Last week on our podcast, The Last NBA Fan (which you can check out on iTunes or play it above), we discussed how the Portland Trail Blazers may have the ugliest team in the league. I stand by that statement. But let's be realistic, the NBA is full of ugly dudes. Before you get on your high horse and say "Kyle, making a list of the Top 10 Ugliest NBA Players is really mean, these people have feelings", I'd like to remind you that all of the people on the list make millions of dollars a year, can basically sleep with anyone they want, and their life will always be better than mine. That being said, here is my list....
The Top 10 Ugliest NBA Players:
10. LeBron James:
LeBron, I'm your biggest fan but that doesn't mean I can ignore whatever it is your doing with your facial hair. Also, his hairline is worse than his 4th quarter free throw shooting. I'm doing us both a favor, and using an old picture.
9. Steve Nash:
Nash makes #9 for no other reason than the fact that he has had some of the worst hair cuts in NBA history. Whether is bleach blonde, parted down the middle, or shaving his head, Nash's hair style choices have always... interesting??? If Nash made the same decisions in the barber shop, as what he does on the court, we wouldn't even be having this discussion.
8. Dirk Nowitzki
Let's forget my ill feelings towards Dirk for one second and remember just how ugly he truly is on the outside. Sure, he's great at basketball but he has to be with that face.
7. Chris Bosh
So far, it's been a star studded line up of ugly dudes and Chris Bosh isn't about to change that. Chris looks like some kind of weird mix of a racing dog, a llama, and t rex. Don't believe he's ugly? Chris Bosh was trending on Twitter this weekend, not because of his basketball ball skills, but because of his resemblance to any mammal but a human.
6. Blake Griffin
Despite his looks, Blake Griffin has emerged to be one of the most popular players in the NBA. He's on Sportscenter every night dunking on someone and when his highlights go to a commercial break, he's there too, selling you AT&T, Vizio, Subway and Kia. People love Blake Griffin, and they should, he's a great player and seems to be a nice guy too. Unfortunately, every time I see him, I wonder where The Man with the Yellow Yat is.
5. Greg Oden
Let's take a break from picking on superstars for a second and talk about Greg Oden's ugly mug. It's hard to believe Greg is only 24. He looks 20 years older, and apparently his knees are as old as his face looks. He kinda looks like the love child of Robert Parish and Sam Perkins.
4. Pau Gasol
Pau Gasol is one ugly NBA champion. When you look at his face, it's hard to believe great things could happen to him, but he's won the NBA Rookie of Year, 2 NBA Championships, and holds multiple team records with the Memphis Grizzlies. Pau Gasol has certainly proved their is more to being an NBA player than good looks and getting your hair cut on a regular basis.
3. Delonte West
It's hard to believe that a man this ugly could have sex with anyone, well alone with one of the NBA's best players mothers. Delonte West did it though. He broke up the band in Cleveland by sexin' up LeBron's mom. The only thing worse than your mom sleeping with one of your teammates, is your mom sleeping with your ugliest teammate. (And that's saying a lot considering Big Z was on the team)
2. Joakim Noah
I'm a Bulls fan, so Noah might be getting a pass here by landing in #2. Noah has the whole package of ugly. His facial hair is bad, the hair on his head is worse, his teeth are a mess and his body is oddly shaped. All that being said, I hope he retires a Bull. (he already kind of looks like one)
Honorable Mentions: Chris Anderson, Andrei Kirilenko, Marcin Gortat, Jason Kidd, Kendrick Perkins (not on the list because I am scared of him), Shelden Williams (if you disagree with anyone on the list, just substitute them with Shelden Williams, you'll quickly agree with me again)
Drum roll please....
1. Chris Kaman
Chris Kaman will most likely never grace of the cover of GQ. That is most likely because he looks like the killer from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre without a mask. Rumor has it that the Clippers included Kaman in the Chris Paul trade as to not scare off potential fans. Right now, Kaman is jobless and awaiting another trade. Luckily for him, there will always be a job for him at the bell tower.
Alright enough of making fun of ugly millionaire athletes, I'm going to go eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the dark because I can't afford to keep the lights on in my 1 bedroom apartment. Enjoy being rich and famous!
Written by Kyle Scanlan
Follow Kyle on Twitter @kylescanlan
