My Last Second NBA Preview

With less than 25 games left in the NBA season, why do an NBA preview?

Exactly my thoughts. This seems like a waste of time. But I have nothing better to do and a lack of games left, makes my predictions look smarter.

MY RIDICULOUS NBA PREVIEWS FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE 2009-2010 SEASON:

1. Everyone on the Celtics will stay healthy through the playoffs.

2. The Suns won't regret NOT trading Amare Stoudemire before they lose him to free agency this summer.

3. No one will care what Lebron does in free agency this summer till the season is over.

4. The Nets plan of having a company do your taxes for free, if you purchase a ticket to a Nets game will work and be adopted by every team in the NBA. *Except in New York, where with the purchase of a Knicks ticket you get your choice of a cameo role in Spike Lee's next movie or a free Lebron James jersey.

5. Steve Nash will cut his hair, and no longer look like a character from Lord of the Rings.

6. Chris Bosh's jersey will be retired in a last second effort by the Toronto Raptors to keep him in Toronto.

*There will also be a statue of him in this ridiculous outfit, outside the Air Canada Centre.

7. Lebron will change his number from 23 to 6. Then again change from the number 6, in order to preserve Patrick Ewing's legacy in Orlando.

MY ACTUAL NBA PREVIEW:

THE EAST:

- Cavs will come out the winner in the East. The Celtics aren't healthy enough to put up a fight and the Hawks aren't good enough. That only leaves Orlando, and no one cares about Florida unless it's spring break.

- The Heat will beat a big team in the first round. (Orlando, Atlanta, Boston, Toronto?)

- The Celtics and The Bulls will not almost cause me to have a premature heart attack this year.

- The Bucks will make the playoffs. Yet, no one will watch or care about the Bucks.

- The Cavs will get Big Z back by the end of March and Shaq by the playoffs, causing the Bulls to forfeit the first round of the playoffs.

THE WEST:

- The Lakers will come obviously come out the winner. Just like the Cavs, they are at least 6 games up on everyone in their conference. Denver or Dallas could push them to a 7 game series towards the end of the playoffs, but for the most part they will not be challenged.

- Currently the Spurs are sitting in the 7th spot in the west. Sleeper? You better believe it!

- Kevin Durant will average over 35 points a game in the playoffs. He is a monster. And not a good, harmless monster, like Cookie Monster, but a real monster that will eat up your team in the playoffs.

- Dallas is way better than they get credit for.

- The Suns will lose in the first round. Let's face the facts; Steve Nash, much like Samantha from Sex and the City, will never get a ring. *insert joke about assists relating to promiscuous behavior. **Here's the best I could do... (They both can't help but give it up!)

MVP Voting

1. Lebron

2. Carmelo Anthony

3. Kobe

4. Kevin Durant

5. Dwayne Wade

I'm sure Carmelo and Durant won't get the votes they deserve, but they have both put up ridiculous number all year. Plus, the Thunder don't actually suck this year. Dirk should do alright in the voting as well.

THE FINALS:

Lebron vs. Kobe!

The Lakers vs. The Cavs!

Lakers in 6. Kobe will be finals MVP.

As much as this pains me to say it, The Lakers will repeat. Even with the add of Jamison and Z, the Cavs line up is without enough flow to beat the Lakers and will fall short again. Which leads me to this final prediction.....

- Lebron James will sing Beyonce's "all the single ladies" when he announces this summer that he will be leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Cleveland, "if you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it."