The Last NBA Podcast! Episode 1!

Chris Weathers and I discuss the upcoming season, the lockout, and why Karl Malone is the biggest redneck of all time. Check it out:

5 Things That Won't Happen in the 2012 NBA Season.

5 Things That Won't Happen in the 2012 NBA Season.

1. The Celtics will begin a Benjamin Button phase and become younger, stronger, and more healthy.

The Celtics are real old. This is the last year for them to make a run at the title with this group. Unfortunately for them, the East is tougher than ever.

2. I will get better at iPhoto.

Expect more of what you see above.

3. The Clippers owner, Donald Sterling, won't be a giant douche this year and will have no affect on the teams success.

This guy is possibly the worst owner in the NBA. He's a giant racist, who's paid out over 8 million dollars in the past few years for housing discrimination, and also heckled his own player, Baron Davis, from the sidelines. Sterling may be a giant douche, but he now owns the most exciting team in the NBA.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/07/elgin-baylor-donald-sterling-clippers-lawsuit_n_805909.html

4. The Magic will trade Dwight Howard to what ever team he wants as soon as possible.

The Magic will hold on to Dwight Howard for at least another month or two. Don't expect him to go anywhere fast. He'll most likely end up playing out the season in Orlando and then crushing their spirits come July by signing with the Lakers, much like the ORIGINAL Superman did some 15 years ago.

5. Someone besides LeBron James and Kevin Durant will win MVP.

Lebron and Durant both look better than ever. I think both will lead their team to the finals and blow past whatever L.A. team gets in their way. One may be MVP, the other may have their first NBA Championship, both may win MVP, or one of them might win both the MVP and the NBA Championship, but no one will match up with Lebron and Durant this season.

The NBA Doesn't Care About You.

THE NBA DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU.

Written by: Kyle Scanlan

My entire life I have been a huge NBA fan. Since the post Jordan days, I have been in the minority of sports fans I know because of that. I don't just watch during playoffs, I don't just watch the 4th quarter of games, and I pay extra money on my cable bill to get the NBA TV channel. That being said, I'm not sure why I have done any of this. The NBA doesn't care about their fans, and it's obvious.

Right off the heels of a 5 month lockout that nearly ended the entire season, David Stern and the gang are back to doing what the do best; making fans go 'why do I even give a shit about this?'

The New Orleans Hornets, who have had a pretty unsuccessful go as an NBA team, do have the most wanted player in the league, Chris Paul. The Hornets are also owned by the NBA, and realize that if Chris Paul is gone, so is their money. Last week David Stern vetoed a trade that would have sent Paul to arguably the leagues most successful team of all time, The Los Angeles Lakers. Why? Because he can. Also, because it would hurt his pocket book, as he has dumped money into preseason ticket sales for Hornets' fans like Alonzo Morning and Larry Johnson were back on the team, ignoring the fact that they are a dying franchise.

By doing all this, David Stern is basically saying to fans everywhere, 'I don't care what you want, because that doesn't make me money.' This trade would have been great for the NBA, as the Lakers' "dynasty" team is nearing it's end and is trying to rebuild before Kobe leaves the league to pursue sexually assaulting people without remorse as a non NBA player.

*given hypothetical situation of being trapped in a room with David Stern and Kobe with one bullet, I'd ask for a gun to fire the bullet with (because what good is a single bullet?). I'd then just hold them both hostage in the room until we all 3 starved to death. That's how much I despise these two. I'd be willing to starve to death, if it were promised they weren't a part of the NBA anymore.

David Stern doesn't care what make you happy as a fan. He only cares about what makes him money. He doesn't care if a lockout over a billion dollar sports industry in the middle of a near depression makes you sad, he wants money. He doesn't care if a huge trade that could get both momentum for the upcoming season and gain fan interest following one of the ugliest lockouts in the history of sports makes would make you happy, he wants money. He doesn't care if you want to spend your hard earned money on the NBA League Pass and give the NBA a second chance this year. BECAUSE HE RAISED THE PRICE OF NBA LEAGUE PASS ON A SHORTENED SEASON, because he wants money.

I'm not sure if I believe in a Heaven or a Hell, but I absolutely 100% believe that David Stern is the devil.

Top 5 Reasons Chris Paul Won't Help Anyone

With plenty of trades and free agent signings coming up in the next week or so, everyone seems to be talking about where Chris Paul is going. Possible trade talks have him going to New York, Boston, LA, and almost anywhere else that is nicer place to live than New Orleans. I don't think Chris Paul will make a significant difference no matter where he goes, here's why.

Top 5 Reasons Chris Paul Won't Help Anyone

1. He's a Ball Hog.

Before teams going trading away some of their best players to get Paul, they may want to remember that Paul is a ball hog. He confuses people into thinking he is sharing with fancy bounce passes that make Sportscenter, but Chris Paul is nothing more than a 5 year old kid on the playground (that's barely a joke about his height) that won't share his toys with anyone.

2. Can He Stay Healthy?

Whoever ends up with Chris Paul will most likely be out a superstar and a lot of cash, so it's important that Paul do something he hasn't done in the past, stay healthy. Paul often times tries to do too much on the court and winds up getting hurt (check out video below). He is young but no one really knows if his speed is quite what it used to be. Once his speed goes, so will his game. The same thing happened to Iverson. Is that really a guy you want to dump the max player salary on?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dlIIz3OTu4

3. His Twitter is Boring.

Chris Paul's twitter is about as exciting as staying home to read the Constitution on a Saturday night. It is equally filled with things that don't apply to my life or anyone else's.

It's not just his Twitter either, Chris Paul is kind of a boring superstar. Yes, he's exciting on the court, but off the court he is kind of reminds me of Andy Griffith from Matlock. He's doing exciting things, but somehow makes them look so boring. Perhaps this is why NBA analysts say he is the top point guard in the league and everyone else in America says "who's that?".

4. He Nicknamed Himself "CP3"

There is nothing cool about about anyone who gives them self a nickname. Especially a nickname involving a number.

5. You Can't Build a Team Around Him.

New Orleans was the testing ground for can you build a team around Chris Paul? I believe the answer is NO. To be fair, I think the days of a team having one superstar and winning a championship are over. If Paul wants to win, he is going to have to paired with a superstar of equal or greater skill and be willing to give them the ball. He has to stay healthy. He has to play great defense. He has to get more exciting off the court. And for god's sake, he has to start going by 'Chris'.

...kind of.

Welcome Back or whatever.

The NBA lockout is over. Hooray. Cool. Neat. Wait... what? Did you just not get overly excited about the return of the NBA after a 149 day lockout that nearly cancelled the entire season? What's your problem? I thought you liked sports, bro.

The NBA is back and I don't really care. Something about millionaires fighting with billionaires over who gets the extra 2% during 2 wars and a recession that makes me call Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian's ex husband and not Kris Humphries, the NBA player.

Some players even had to get day jobs! : No way! I don't believe that tomfoolery! People who refused to work at their job had to get a new job? Welcome to how things work for everyone.

Plus, I'm not feeling sorry for Delonte West. If he refuses to do the one job he has experience in, he should have to apply for a job at Home Depot. Fuck, I wish I could get a job at Home Depot. Home Depot is exactly how far someone can go who has multiple neck tattoos, an 8th grade education, and a history of fucking the most talented person in his work environment's mother.

I shouldn't say that. Of course I'm excited for the return of the NBA. I'm glad the season starts on Christmas day. I think both sides deserve to work a holiday on their first day back to work.

NBA, you want fans to not turn your back on you? Then shut up about it and let's pretend like it never happened. If I was dating the NBA and the NBA cheated on me with some dude she met at the park who gave her an umbrella when it was raining, I'd be like "hey, I'm really mad, but I am also really forgetful. So I could see how someone having something that is a necessity in it's time of need could be a desire for you. This is probably my fault. Let's move on like nothing happened."

Treat your fans like the welcome mats they are, NBA. Then you'll be able to make money off that too.

Suck it.